| recent discovery:
i am really good at making bad decisions. in-fact, i make them all the time. it seems like they build on each other too. i will make one bad decision and then everything following that bad decision is another awful one.
this needs to change. i am trying to change my ways, first change, i am on the wagon. don't know what that means? well guess. being off the wagon is step one to making terrible decisions.
i would really like it if over this next month or so with no class that i will be able to advance in this "step in the right direction". i am sick of being so far from the truth and knowing it and not doing anything about it that it is starting to take its toll on me.
i am starting to think i need to remove myself from my environment, and if this consists of the pacific northwest, then so be it. i am willing to make that change.
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| i am having another January Day.
(if you are wondering what that means, just go back to past posts. prefferably ones from january thru febuary.) |
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| so it has been a while since i have posted and the last post says absolutely nothing about where i am at now.
this semester has just been so amazing compared to the last.
it seems like everything about it is wonderful.
i have a job i love. i have some new friends that are amazing. and school is going good too, busy but good.
now i feel to pose a question..
would it be better to go for it all and risk a lot of what matters to you,
or just pray someone else will be ther one to risk it all? |
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| Leave it all alone.
Drop it al the door.
I am consumed to the bone.
Seemed to be left always wanting more.
Why am i not content?
Why is there a fleshly yearning within?
Don't tell me this is how its meant,
Meant to feel like i never win.
What a load of shit.
They way it all ended.
Now i lay naked, wishing to be stripped of it.
But in the least, have my clothes mended. |
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| she took a step back:
she looked at this picture. a picture torn into slivers. a different one from the last. the roles have changed tho. she is him and he is her.
finding the pieces on the floor she works it back together like a puzzle. this picture is older then the other. this one is years old, the other, only months.
this one is more of a surprise, not the good kind. the kind that bring butterflies and smiles. this is the kind that bring back memories you have worked so hard to purge from the deepest crevasses of your mind.
as she stared at it, it brought tears to her eyes. she couldn't put it back together. this time it was out of her control. she didn't have tape or glue or a place. this wasn't her place.
her heart continued to break the more she gazed at the shredded pieces of paper. and her mind continued to search for answers for the broken picture.
she fell to her knees with her arms stretched high, tattered remnants in hand. praying for the ones shown. and thats where she stayed. crying. reaching. praying. holding.
jd |
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